The Kairos of Capricorn 30

What an astonishing relief –
It just keeps billowing…
To no longer be
Serving. Achieving.
Mastering.

Not that there is nothing to
Realize or gain –
Life eternally invites the
Mixing and mounting of her
Infinite pallet of colors –

Countless symphonies to weave
From ribbons of light,
Numinous streams of radiance to
Follow, love,
Adorn.

Creation is always in the wings,
Unrehearsed and fully prepared.

But this change… the notable
Lack of impetus or drive, an
Overall absence of reason or why –
Illumines so much space to listen,
Quiet to get lost in, unknowing to become

The end of a soul contract is a
Curious thing – ineffable yet intimately
Familiar. Tangible. Conclusive…and
Only fully revealed in
A mystery beyond time.

On Becoming Numinous

I know many of us are navigating vast shifts and changes. We are moving from the outer to the inner, from the doing to the being (how many lifetimes have we walked this path from head to heart?). Life in the rear view mirror is outmoded, and what’s next is largely unknown. This chapter has been profound in my life.

The beginning of my ending came with the new moon on July 24, 2025 during a conversation with Ellias, my cosmic wizard astrologer friend. I abruptly announced that I was done, that “I wasn’t doing it any more.” I didn’t know exactly what “it” was, but I knew I wasn’t doing it. From there I stumbled forward into wondering what, if anything, I would do. For doing was giving way to being in full measure.

This mystery has been unfolding for nearly 6 months, and only now is it beginning to make sense.

Over that time I gradually closed out offerings in my business. I took down entire pages from my website that had been the staples of my livelihood while announcing the end of other cycles.

I completed coaching contracts in August, capped off a Hawaii retreat in September, wrapped up a season of sacred journeys in Bali in October. I finally hobbled to the finish line, literally doubled over, with a physically excruciating series in November that left me knowing in fully certain terms what I wouldn’t be doing any more. 

And yet I still don’t know very much.

Perhaps I’m entering my season of unknowing as I leave a lifetime of known accomplishments. Here’s what I know of those.

I learned how to garner and use attention as fuel by age 3, how to achieve, accomplish, and be good in order to succeed by age 7, and how to establish myself as a leader by 16.

I’ve since mastered various arts and disciplines. Whether singing, conducting, composing, teaching, energy channeling, or guiding, I always went all the way. Even in life traumas and lessons I seemed eager to excel, earning me the moniker of “Spiritual Extreme Sports Athlete” from one of my friends.

I soloed in Carnegie Hall, conducted a Christmas Eve service that was broadcast nationally on CBS (including leading 5 choirs, orchestra, and writing an arrangement for every last one of them to perform together). A composition was featured as one of “The Season’s Top Picks” by a major distributing house. I wrote a spiritual memoir about my son’s death by suicide, return to life, and the deep healing journey that ensued.

I eventually earned a letter from the dean at the university where I taught offering me something that didn’t exist, an exception to what was until then not allowed: a full time, continuing adjunct position. This had been my dream, to make money doing what I loved and not to have to suffer through a PhD to do it.

I turned down that offer with a letter of resignation, as I was headed in other directions. The grand awakening of 2012 was well underway, and consciousness called. Every ounce of energy, time, and money went to its study and mastery. I eventually went on to be the only one in my coaching program class to create a viable business and make a full time living in healing, teaching, and guiding. In hindsight I see that I even endeavored to master selfless, noble service…as if such a thing could be achieved through personal will and devotion.

Now I’ve set down every aspiration. In ironic symmetry to the close of my chapter in academia 11 years ago, I recently received an unsolicited invitation to submit a consciousness/energy course to the Omega Institute in NY for consideration. 

But what drove every choice for my entire life is no longer active. My 2nd Saturn return along with my ascendant degree of 30 Capricorn are having their way with me, all of this from one who has proclaimed little to no interest in astrology (“You don’t really need someone to read your chart for you because you are always living it organically from the inside out,” Ellias once shared). I’m in a grand reconsideration of my previous dismissal of the riches of star wisdom.

I didn’t know it at the time, but July 24 announced more than just a shift in direction. It was the completion of a soul contract that, up until then, I didn’t even know I had. This awareness dawned on me over weeks and months, and it has been a wonder to watch that contract dissolve. What I thought was a whole life path turned out to be a finite agreement, something with a beginning and end. What a strange thing to discover I have no more responsibility to serve that contract. No requirement. And interestingly along with that, no ambition to accomplish. Anything. It has been beyond weird, to say the least.

For that agreement was what drove all of my creations from the inside out. I was fully aligned with my soul in that sense and loved every minute, every page of the script. Up until now every experience arose in service to that contract – all of the learning, mastering, teaching, and guiding – so that I might ultimately help others.

Here are some of Elias’ words about 30 degrees Capricorn in his book Star Sparks – 360 Windows Into the Heart of the Zodiac:

“In order to fulfill this destiny task in its outward ripples, we will need to apprentice ourselves to a path in life that tempers and steadies and matures our inherent knowingness. We will have to master a discipline, be adept in an art or science which calls forth arduous effort and striving. Only then, after the basics have been taken on, will we have the constancy and stability to forge the path that is in us, and make it in some small measure a reflection of what we are inside of spiritually-cosmically all the time.”

Sweet Christine began studying her lines for her Capricorn 30 role early, learning the nuances of delivery, and eventually mastering the character as a career-defining role. Now that show, that job, has come to an end. The wonder is the mystery play continues.

For the characters of each lifetime (no matter how many there are in a single expanse) are only one thing in the end: perfectly tuned vehicles for divine creation.

Perhaps now that “tall, inward being aligned with the axis of the world in ways we seldom can even believe in much less objectively bring through” (as Elias further elucidates about 30 Capricorn) is finally poised to step into her stature and live as an Artist of Consciousness. I find myself exploring this vista all the time, where creation happens by continually beholding the breathtaking luminosity of our being. The full focus is on where we are headed, fully unbridled from where we’ve been, or even what is happening in the world “out there.”

And of course, there is always more.

In practical terms I am focused on live sound events, alchemy singing bowls, writing, and illumining the beautiful bridge to numinosity. Remnants remain. Sessions and previous teachings are still available, and a sacred journey to Egypt is forming for the fall.

More personally I know I will continue to explore stillness, beauty, being, nature and play.

Beyond this, I wonder…

All Love,

Christine