Ready for some transformational fun? Because I have a question for you.
Are you piling frosting on your poo? This is what I call it when you put a spiritual concept (almost always one that is true and beautiful at some level) on top something painful in your life with the intent of making it better.
Examples of what I call “frosting phrases” might be:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“You are creating your reality.”
“This is here for me to learn lessons and grow.”
“Everything is Love.”
Whether or not these concepts are true isn’t the point for me here (because I find that at the level of soul and spirit, they are!). What I’m curious about is how these beautiful truths turn into poo frosting according to when and where we apply them. Frosting may be yummy, but no amount of it is going to taste good on top of poo. Rather than making the poo better, it just ruins the frosting. Because that’s not where frosting goes!
Likewise, placing a spiritual truth on top of a personal pain or challenge does not bring healing or change. Instead, it creates a debilitating loop-de-loop that actually digs you deeper into the middle of where you don’t want to be. Some call this spiritual bypassing, but honestly, I kind of like bypasses. They get me where I want to go – faster, quicker, and easier. This phenomenon, on the other hand, is more like going deeper and deeper into a hole where you continue to recreate the very thing you wish would go away, never arriving at your destination.
So what exactly is this poo we are frosting and where does it come from? It’s what I call the waste that’s left over from ingesting your life experience. This includes the limiting beliefs that form, the thoughts and fears that wake you in the night on repeat, and the stuck patterns of energy in your body that can lead to dysfunction and disease, to name a few. Succinctly put, it’s the residue of pain.
This pain residue does a lot of things. It fires up your triggers. It fuels your emotional melt-downs. It is also largely responsible for your incapacity to digest certain information in the news or lives of others without experiencing a deep, personal upset (this was the case for me for years with anything around rape or sexual abuse – I just couldn’t handle hearing about it). This pain residue (some call it the pain body) holds the glowing hot remnants leftover from the burn of experiences that were too much to bear.
Now, we all know there’s nothing ultimately wrong with poo. It’s natural. And it’s equally true that we’re not meant to hang on to it. When it’s time for excrement to exit your system, it’s a good idea to follow that urge! Likewise, once out, you don’t want to keep it around, adorning it with explanations of what it’s teaching you or its deeper meaning, no matter how profound. Because underneath that, well, it stinks!
So let’s take a further look at what’s happening with frosting phrases such as “creating your reality” or “happening for a reason.”
Here is an example: A young couple experiences a miscarriage. Their hearts are broken and grieving, and someone says to them, “Everything happens for a reason.” Ouch.
Another: A woman is with an abusive partner, and her friend says to her, “I wonder why you are creating this reality?” Oof!!
Or more subtly, you are experiencing a repeating pattern of something difficult like self-sabotage, lack of financial resource, or feeling unloveable, and the thought inside your head says, “This is here for me to learn a lesson.” Poo piling!
Again, all of these things may be true at the deepest level, but when said in an attempt to address your or someone else’s pain, they’re actually more hurtful than helpful. So when it comes to healing, the human part always needs to be first in line, long before we get to upper dimensional truths, which truly are the frosting on the cake. Otherwise that soul/spirit wisdom can feel more like abuse.
I can tell you this: In the midst of life’s deeper challenges, your human self is never consciously opting in for pain so that you can learn, grow, or have a reason. Nope. Not doing it. Your soul? Sure, it seems to be up for everything. Your masterfully wise and infinite presence? It is always here in equilibrium and peace, saying, “Yes. All Is.” But your human? No, she is not learning a lesson, creating a reality, or happening for a reason in these moments. She is simply hurting. Which means all of those frosting phrases plop like a heavy heap in the lap of her pain.
So what’s another option?
First: Realize understanding does not equal healing.
It’s helpful to remember in the moment that, while you’re seeking to understand so you or someone else can stop hurting, emotional pain is not alleviated by understanding any more than physical pain is (just because I know why my broken ankle hurts doesn’t mean it suddenly stops hurting!). The path to healing is much deeper than mental understanding, even if – especially if – what you understand is true. You’ll likely need to practice this awareness more than once.
Second (likely you’ve heard this one before): You often need to feel to heal.
This means you get to actually experience your poo in the form of flushing or having a trash out, aka taking an emotional crap. How deeply can you allow everything you feel, keeping in mind you may not even know what you feel when you begin? Anger? Rage? Despair? Are you willing to feel it even if it feels like you won’t survive the process? Because this is likely what your mind will tell you when you’re up against your deepest core wounds. How fully can you allow emotions to pour through unchecked, no matter how intense they become?
The goal of this phase is raw, honest movement. Don’t leave the feelings in, express them OUT! Feel and express them purely and simply, no stories attached. Then let them go without commentary. You do this in the privacy of your own space, not spewing them around at others (I mean, would you poop that way?). Keep it clean, contained, and complete. And if there is more poo? Have it out and flush again! Do this as long and often as necessary, and not a moment longer. Commit to refrain from “thinking about it” further. Otherwise you’re literally fertilizing your poo to create more piles, one thought at a time.
It’s good to note that if you’ve been piling for a while (frosting, pooping, and frosting again), you may have a well-layered poo cake. You may have some excavation to do. A backlog of stuck life experience can get sluggish and solidify over time (chronic pain comes to mind). Often the first movement is the most difficult. Be brave! It gets easier, and is totally worth it.
And finally, there is the truly transformative, 3rd ingredient:
We feel the feelings, yes, but we do more than that. We meet the feelings with something that is beyond them, something that has a greater capacity than our human mind, emotions or body. This is the alchemy of unconditional love. Some call this faith, or God. For me, it is presence, which is both an inside job and something we all are already. I have found that pain is ultimately healed through a loving relationship of presence with our lives. We do this through loving and being love unconditionally, with everything. Poo and all.
“Do I really need to love my poo?” you may ask? YES! (I mean, who doesn’t look at it out of curiosity, anyway?). But not with little human love. This is where many stall out in the concepts of self-love without the actualization. We must learn to love, be love, from a space much bigger than any human small self could ever be. This loving presence is infinite, peaceful, and compassionate. It is constant. Relating to your life from here is the game changer. And the great healer.
What if your poo is truly here to lead you home to what you’ve always wanted? That’s a pretty noble job for something so essentially unpleasant! How utterly ironic and amazing that your gold is buried in your poo (and gold is way better than frosting in the end). Sure, you might get a bit grubby digging for it, but in this transformational healing you’ll also discover your richest blessing and gifts. You’ll come home to the unfailing, abiding love that you are, and finally be able to live it.
Then you wake up in the sheer ecstasy of having what you wanted all of your life: love that always has your back, that totally sees and gets you, that lets you know you’re never alone, and are infinitely cherished. Your presence truly is your home of unconditional love. And it’s been here all along, just like Dorothy and Toto in the Wizard of Oz. They never left, but they sure got tossed by a mighty and convincing whirlwind of a dream!
My greatest joy is helping you to not only understand this, but also live and experience it, day to day, moment by moment, all the way through. Then you not only have your “poop in a group,” but you can truly live and love the beautiful, golden truth of all of you.
You’ll find this guidance and support for this in all of my offerings, from free community events and messages to custom-tailored group programs to deep-dive, one-on-one mentorship. It’s my honor to help guide you home into You.
